


after all these years

by kylotopia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force sensitive!Reader, Jedi Temple flashback, fluff towards the end, not really - Freeform, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 07:50:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15881727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylotopia/pseuds/kylotopia
Summary: you were once a jedi knight alongside ben solo. years after after his destruction of the jedi temple, you've been watching over him through a crystal ball.





	after all these years

**Author's Note:**

> this is written in second person if that's ok with you! (:  
> i hope you all enjoy <3

It had been odd that you are a Grey Jedi and was once a Jedi Knight. After the destruction of Luke's Temple, you looked for help, only to be pushed away. You ran away from the burning temple and never looked back. You trained yourself, read a lot, and meditated hours on end. You had done everything on your own for the past ten years. Now being twenty-nine years old and consider yourself the most powerful Force user across the galaxy.

You walked into your home, on a planet in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by trees and nature, you were at peace. But since the Jedi Temple, one boy had always remained in the back of your mind.  _Ben Solo._ Now calls himself Kylo Ren and the Supreme Leader of the First Order. You walked over to your crystal ball and waved your small hand over it. A swirl of clouds inside the ball moved and appeared Kylo. 

You bent down to the level with the ball and watched everything. He sat on his throne slouching as the ginger haired man was talking to him. Kylo had a bored look on his face as the man kept talking to him about whatever. Kylo then waved his hands to dismiss him and he had walked out the room. You had gently touched the ball as if you were longing to hold him in your arms again. A shiver went up Kylo's spine and felt a pair of eyes watching him. 

You waved over the ball again and Kylo disappeared. A sigh escaped your lips as you chewed on a fruit. The memories you both shared was the only thing that made you cling to survival. All the dead bodies you had seen scattered all over the ground. 

_As the day had been peaceful, your gut feeling had told you something was going to happen. The day with Ben had been amazing, sneaking out both your cots to miss the daily lesson and training to walk in the woods surrounding the temple, to your secret spot._

_A loud noise jolted you from your deep slumber and anxiety rose shot up instantly. You snapped your head up from the pillow and grabbed your lightsaber from the table at the end of your bed. With a shaky hand, you pushed your door open and immediately jumped outside and started walking. It was dark and uncomfortably silent, sending your nerves over the edge._

_Ben's cot wasn't that far from you and when you saw his cot destroyed it sent your mind in a panic and turned your head in every direction and hoped to see a tall figure and a mop of black hair. Your breath was wavering as your anxiety wasn't helping with the constant thoughts swarming your head. Without a second thought, you ran. Forgetting everything behind you and stopped right when you got far enough._

_Tears blurred your vision as you now saw bodies and bodies of dead padawans surrounding you. What had happened to everyone else? Who caused this? "(Y/N)." you heard a voice call out. You swiftly turned around to see Ben standing near you. Without thinking, you ran to him and held onto him tightly. "What happened Benny? Why is everyone dead?" you asked. Ben clenched his jaw as he stared into your eyes deeply._

_"I did it." he gruffly said. He flinched slightly when he felt your arms drop from his body, leaving him cold once again. "Wha- Why?" you ask. "The darkness (Y/N), it had been clawing at me for months now." he whispered._

_"Why did you never say anything to me?" you cried, tears falling from your eyes. Ben stared at you, chest hurting that he's the cause of your sadness. He can feel it radiating off of you in waves, crashing against him harshly. "I-I was scared you'd push me away." he admitted shamefully, tears poking at his eyes. "Benny, I would never think less of you. You should know that. I could have helped you! There would have been a different way."  you yelled, crying harder this time._

_Ben closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath,"It's done now (Y/N). There's no turning back." "What happened? You seemed so happy all afternoon together in the woods." you whimpers, clutching onto your tunic to keep you from shaking. "I'm sorry, angel." he spoke, biting his lip from quivering. "Are you leaving now?" you asked, sadness pang through your chest like a truck had hit you._

_The realization of not seeing him after this made your head hurt immensely. "Would you leave with me?" he asked, a hopeful look in his eyes. You had remained silent as you stared back at him. "I don't think I can."  you whispered, tears falling._

You snapped out of the flashback and rubbed your eyes. 

_Would you leave with me?_

You wish you did. 

-

Kylo woke up from another dream. It was a blurry vision of watching the sunset with a smaller figure pressed up against his chest. There was sweat between his brows and his body felt hot and tingly. For the past ten years, this has been going on and he still hasn't been able to put a finger on it. Whoever this person was had to have a strong impact on him. 

Shaking his head, he decided not to think too much about his past. But it was a constant thing that lingered in the back of his mind. Getting up, he got changed into his usual tunic and cloak and walked out his quarters. He was immediately greeted by Hux, which emitted a groan from the tall man.

"Supreme Leader, you have a meeting in ten minutes." Hux said. Kylo restrained himself from rolling his eyes. "Very well, I'll be there shortly." he responded. He truly hated meeting. Just sitting there, hours on end, listening to people talk about boring ideas. And there was that feeling of eyes on him again. 

He slowed down his pace and turned around to see nothing behind him. He tried to shake it off as nothing, since Snoke wasn't around to toy with him anymore. He continued his walk towards his meeting. 

You looked through the crystal ball and watched Kylo do his work. Leaning your cheek against your forearm as you stared at him. He definitely changed; from the length of his hair, the dark circles under his eyes, and the scar resting on his face. 

The energetic boy you once knew was gone, the twinkle in his eyes weren't there anymore. He was constantly tired and stressed. All you wanted to do was see him again and to do anything to get rid of the pain he had bottle up inside. After all those years, your feelings for him never changed. Times of loneliness, you had wished that you had gone with him. Waving over the ball once again, you walked over to your bed to stare at the ceiling.

Your connection through the force never broke surprisingly, considering how long it's been and how far apart you were from each other. You can still feel it tug every once in awhile, but it's faint. You would have missed it if you weren't paying attention. "I'll see you soon Benny." you whispered to yourself before drifting off to sleep. 

After the first few months and years of tracking him down, it had finally paid off when she had been watching over him thanks to her crystal ball. She was able to see everything, from how the ship operates and where they were in the galaxy, to Kylo's daily routine. 

Kylo dismissed the officers from the meeting, leaving him by himself in the room. A sigh escaped his lips and stared up at the viewpoint. The stars twinkled brightly and he got up from his seat. Officers greeted him respectfully as he walked past them.  _Ben,_ a voice whispered. His body ran cold as he stopped in the middle of the hallway. The sound of his name made him wonder who was in his head. 

 _Ben, I know you can hear me,_ the voice said again. To his surprise, he wasn't angry. He was more confused and intrigued to who was calling him. Was it the person that visited his dreams? He shook his head at the foolish thought and began walking. Hearing the voice gave him a sense of calmness. Once he was in the comfort of his quarters, the voice broke the silence.  _I miss you Benny._ Benny.

That nickname he hadn't heard in years sounded so familiar with the voice attached to it. His eyebrows furrowed and removed his clothing piece by piece. "Who are you?" he thought aloud.  _You don't remember me?,_ the voice asked. Why did he feel so guilty? He picked up on the sad tone of the voice. "I'm afraid not." he spoke into the air. The voice didn't respond right away and he was sure he scared them away. 

 _I'll see you soon Benny,_ the voice responded and left Kylo alone. Who was that voice? He sat on his bed trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar and why it felt like home to hear it.

You collapsed on the floor with a pounding headache. Using the force to talk to him from thousands of miles away required a lot more work than usual. You just needed to hear his voice.

-

Weeks pass by and Kylo still hasn't heard the voice or the feeling of eyes on him. His mind often trails back to that day and he wonders what did they mean when they said that they'll see him soon. He got ready for the day and walked out his quarters. He busied himself with work, trying to rid his mind off the distraction and it was working. Hux walked towards him, fixing himself as strands fell from his gelled hair. 

"What happened to you General?" Kylo asked, amused. "It's just a stupid prisoner that the stormtroopers caught sneaking into our base. She was giving me a hard time."  _She?_ Kylo raised an eyebrow as he turned back to face forward. "Shall I go see what made you so mad?" Kylo asked. General Hux shook his head immediately, "No Supreme Leader, I got it handled. She will be disposed of, she was useless anyway." he rushed out. Kylo nodded and left the General at his station. 

You were in the interrogation room, strapped down to the chair. The stinging on your cheek left by the bastard General Hux stung badly. As the stormtroopers were standing at the cell, you used the force to control one of them. "What are you doing!" one of them yelled. "I-I don't know! It's not me!" he screamed, seeing his body move without him doing it and pointing the blaster towards his comrade. With the snap of your fingers, the blaster went off and shot his friend. 

You still had control and made him unlock the cell and your ankle and wrist cuffs. "What are you?" he asked, terrified. You just smiled sweetly before killing him with his own blaster. 

You fell onto the ground and rubbed your sore wrists. Looking down at the stormtrooper, you automatically shape-shifted into the trooper and started walking forward. Having already memorized the base, you walked pass by Hux and gave him a glare from inside the helmet. Stepping into an elevator, you transformed yourself into Hux and stood tall like he had and waited until it stopped. Your plan was going smoothly as everything was in place. 

Seeing the doors open, Kylo was still walking towards his throne. He craned his neck slightly to see the irritating man he had seen earlier. "Why are you here?" he groans, turning his head back. You transformed back to yourself, "I would think that after all those years we trained together at the Jedi Temple, I'm offended you don't recognize me Ben." 

Kylo's eyes widen and immediately turned around, hand on his lightsaber. She sounded exactly like the voice in his head. "Who the hell are you?" he growled, igniting his lightsaber. The strong hum crackling through the room. "Ah Ben, always so quick to jump to conclusions." you laughed softly. Raising your hand, his lightsaber flew into yours and deactivated it, "No need for such violence."

Shock ran through his body and stared at the woman in front of him. He started to charge towards you when you waved hand for him to become paralyze from the neck down. "Don't you remember me?" you asked, eyes soft but sad. "I do not have the slightest clue. Whoever the hell you are, you need to leave before I kill you." he threatens through gritted teeth. 

You lowered your gaze and stared at his lightsaber. "Your saber used to be blue." you whispered. Kylo's body ran cold and stared at her. He felt the force around him disappear and went to grab your arm. He was electrocuted with the amount of force flowing inside you. He pulled back with a hiss and held onto his hand. You had felt the electric shock and pulled back. 

"Your powerful than anyone I know. The F-Force inside you is strong." Kylo stammers. "I was once a Jedi Knight with you. I see myself as a Grey Jedi now, but I dedicated the last ten years to train myself." you answered. "I've never heard of such thing." he spoke, trailing off. "You came here as Hux and out of nowhere, you turned into a woman. How?" 

"I trained, meditated, and read books of the ancient time when the first Force users came. There are much more you can do with the power that I took it upon myself to learn. I can control someone's mind and body. Shape-shift into objects, humans, animals. I can create illusions for one to see whether good or bad." you explained. 

"I still don't remember you." he whispered. You let out a sigh and nodded before creating a ball of light in your hand. Kylo looked at your hand cautiously and you looked him in the eyes. "Do you trust me?" you asked. His eyebrows furrowed when the question fell from your lips. It sounded so familiar. When you didn't get an answer, you pressed your pointer finger to his forehead and he was pulled into a memory.

_"Do you trust me?" a voice asked. Ben opened his eyes and squinted when the sun hit him. He put a hand over his eyebrows to see you smiling at him with your hand out. He took in your surroundings and saw you two were at the waterfall, with nothing but underwear on. "Benny, do you trust me?" you giggled at his silence. "You know I hate heights (Y/N)." he whines, putting his large hands into your smaller ones._

_"You need to get over it! The water isn't that bad today." you smile. That damn smile that got him in this situation in the first place. "Okay fine." he groan, walking closer to the edge. His stomach was filled with butterflies when he saw how far the jump was. "(Y/N), I-Please don't make me do this." he begs, backing away. Your grip on his hand tightened and your smile got bigger. "Ben Solo backing out? I don't think so, toots." you laugh._

_He groans at the nickname and glared at you. "Angel, please." he begs, using the nickname he knows you won't refuse. You kissed him on the lips before pulling his body with all your strength and jumped over the cliff. He screamed, but it all stopped when his body made impact with the freezing water. You popped your head out the water and laughed when you saw Ben trying to cling onto the water._

_"I got you, I got you." you say, wrapping your arms around his body. The grip he had on you was as if it was his lifeline. "That wasn't so bad, now was it?" you tease. Ben glared at you, but was cut off when you reached up and pressed your lips against his. "Do you trust me?" you asked again. "With my life." he responds with a smile before kissing you again._

Kylo stumbled back to the floor beneath him and felt a pounding in his head. You crouched down and softly touched him. His skin rose with goosebumps as you were trying to get rid of the pain. "Do you remember me now?" she asks softly. The more he looked at her, the more memories flooded into his mind like a tsunami. All your times together, your stolen kisses, and soft glances. "(Y/N)?" 

A small smile appeared and wrapped your arm around him, "Let's get back to your room." You reached his quarters and gently placed him on the bed. "I'll go make you some tea." you said, walking over to his small kitchen. "How did you find me?" he asked once you have him his mug. "I had to track you down. Our force connection never broke surprisingly and went off from there." she answered. 

Kylo remained silent as your answer was sinking in slowly. You two sat in comfortable silence before he broke it. "Why didn't you come with me?" he asks. You sighed as you slightly turned away from him. "Ben." you whispered softly. "No, you need to tell me." he pushed, setting his mug down. "It didn't feel right at the time. Leaving everything I had grown to know to serve the dark side? I couldn't. I was a naive little girl." you answered. "Then why are you here?" 

"I wanted to see you. Looking through a glass ball wasn't enough and I missed you greatly! I have watched over the years how that disgusting humanoid manipulated and tortured you!" you snapped lightly. Closing your eyes for a second, your emotions were getting the best of you. "I watched you and I saw how he constantly looked through your mind and thoughts. He made you forget about me, I knew it, I didn't want to believe it." 

Kylo's chest caved in with guilt and looked down at his lap. "You changed over the years, but here you are, sitting in front of me. I never thought the day would come that I would see you again." you said as tears formed. He lifted his hands and thumbed it away. 

"This war that we're stuck between in, I don't want to lose you again." he whispered. A light chuckled brought him out of his trance and looked into your big eyes. "Did you forget so easily what I'm capable of, toots?" you tease and his cheeks burned quickly. "With me, we are both untouchable." you smiled, leaning closer.

-

**Years Later**

With the Resistance destroyed and nothing standing in their way. Kylo crowned himself Emperor of the First Order. You standing by his side, you were also given the title of Empress. Everything was under their ruling and it couldn't be any better. Kylo called you over to the throne and had you sit on his lap. "My Queen, how are both of you doing?" he asks. A smile broke on your lips and leaned into your husband, "We're doing okay." he laughs.

Recently, you had found out that you was pregnant and your now protruding belly was showing more. Kylo placed his large hand on your stomach and felt your baby boy getting stronger in your womb. He let out a content sigh and kissed your hand that he brought up to his lips. 

_Do you trust me?_

With his whole life.


End file.
